THRIVE Episode 11: Struggling Well With Anxiety
Welcome to Episode 11
Hi, I’m Melissa Clark. I’m a professional counselor in the Dallas area with a passion for helping you overcome challenges, process painful emotions, and understand your God-given identity.
I am so glad that you are here! This is a series format. This means each month you will hear about different mental health topics. These are issues I’m thinking about, seeing in my office, or have personally experienced. Here are some examples: anxiety, negative thoughts, parenting a child with mental issues - and so much more. We will be looking at these topics from a Christian perspective.
Some weeks I will interview professional colleagues, some weeks I’ll be interviewing friends, and others will be me - sharing my story and perspective on these important topics. Be sure to tune into the final episode of each topic, I’ll give you an opportunity to put everything you’ve learned into practice.
Thank you so much for being here! I believe reading this will leave you feeling excited, educated, and empowered.
I hope you read to last week’s episode about the coronavirus.
Identify Your emotion
How many of you know you are anxious as you are experiencing anxiety? How many of you don't realize it at the time? Raising your hands, if you're comfortable,
We are likely a combination of both.
Sometimes you may feel utterly aware of your anxiety. Pounding heart, rapid heartbeat, tense jaw, sweaty palms, feeling weak.
Other times, you may be unaware. Later on, you realize, every time you encounter that person or that task, you feel dread leading up to the event and mindlessly worrying about the worst-case scenarios and what could go wrong.
Anxiety simply put is fears about the future. Whenever you are anxious, it's always about anticipating worst-case scenarios about the future...it sounds like this:
What if my kids get hurt…
What if we don't have enough money to pay our bills
What if I fail.
What if he/she is mad at me?
Notice how each of these thoughts are in the future. Notice how you physically feel (ask the audience)
Symptoms of anxiety include stress that's out of proportion to the impact of the event. Give Example
Anxiety is the inability to set aside worry and restlessness.
Here are some other symptoms:
restlessness, and a feeling of being "on-edge."
uncontrollable feelings of worry
increased irritability and easily frustrated
Feeling overwhelmed
concentration difficulties
Intrusive thoughts and constant thoughts running through your head
sleep difficulties, such as problems in falling or staying asleep
Anxiety is often seen as an emotional problem. Anxiety is more than an emotion. Anxiety is an experience. Your mind, emotions, body, and spirit experience anxiety in different ways.
You may be surprised to know...by identifying anxiety and stating you are anxious, and you aren't admitting failure; instead, you are helping yourself out of it.
Let me explain.
When you feel anxious, you are likely to want to ignore your anxiety, to push it down so you can push past and feel better. You may be surprised to know...this is like a ticking time bomb, sure you are avoiding anxiety at that moment, but the anxiety is like the leftovers that you put in the fridge. Over time, you don't even recognize what the food is, and it takes forever to clean out the container.
Think of your anxiety as an indicator light on your car. The light isn't the problem. Instead, it's trying to help you identify the problem. Typically, we ignore the light. I know I do, I'm worried about being worried. I am afraid that I won't be able to stop my anxiety. So, I ignore the symptoms. This only worsens the situation.
Instead, what I want to help you to do is to be able to recognize anxiety, what's triggering you, and a few simple things to do.
Feelings wheel: http://feelingswheel.com/
When you identify, I am anxious because I don't know how this situation is going to work out. Two things happen:
This helps to calm down the emotional part of your brain called the amygdala. God designed words to have power. When you bravely state I have anxiety because of ____. You are admitting, this is what's going on. You are no longer avoiding the issue and there's a certain amount of relief that comes from knowing why you are having problems concentrating, difficulty sleeping, or why your heart is racing.
When you identify I am anxious because of _____, you then empower yourself to tackle your problem, to ask for help, and to pray for your circumstance specifically. No longer are you letting the leftovers stack up in the refrigerator; instead, you are being honest, which requires a lot of bravery and courage. It's not easy to admit there's an issue. I'd love to keep ignoring my problems. Unfortunately, the problems aren't getting dealt with, which only magnifies the problem.
When you identify, hey I'm anxious right now, you take a little of the power away, put yourself in the present, and set yourself up to deal with what's going on in your life.
Next, we need to explore what's triggering you briefly. This can often help you to identify when you are likely to experience anxiety more quickly. This will help you to skip right to some of the coping skills that we will discuss in a minute.
Identify Your Triggers
Identifying triggers for anxiety can help you learn the proper coping strategies to manage the condition successfully.
Some examples of common triggers are:
Caffeine increases the levels of epinephrine in the body. Epinephrine is one of the hormones that play a role in the fight-or-flight response.
Health Problems: Medical conditions, such as heart problems, overactive thyroid function and low blood sugar, can trigger anxiety.
Feeling out of control
Medications: Prescription and over-the-counter medications, such as hormonal birth control and cold medicines, can trigger anxiety.
Relationship Problems: Some people may find that conflicts with their spouse, parents or other family members can trigger anxiety.
Stress: Stress brought on by significant life events such as graduating from college, death of a loved one, divorce or job loss is a common anxiety trigger.
Conflicts at Work, School or Home: Disputes between co-workers, classmates or family members can cause significant stress and trigger anxiety.
Social Events: What triggers social anxiety and anxiety attack symptoms differ from person to person. Social anxiety triggers can include attending parties, school or concerts
Finances: Concerns about paying bills or saving money for retirement can trigger ongoing stress and anxiety.
When you identify your triggers, you are helping yourself gain awareness and also decrease the symptom if you can eliminate the trigger (give examples).
Validate You Emotion and Experience
Validating your emotions and experience is one of the easiest ways to decrease your anxiety. But just because it's easy doesn't mean it will come naturally to you.
Let me explain when I am doing a couple's counseling, a significant part of conflict resolution is understanding. Many times the external environment won't be changed. But when we are heard and understood, we feel more loved and valued.
Too often, when it comes to our anxiety or feelings of depression, we ignore our systems, we shame ourselves for being "weak" or not having enough faith. Instead of shaming and condemning yourself (remember, there is no condemnation in Christ), identify your emotions, have a curiosity about what's going on, and take the time to validate your experience.
Here are some examples:
I understand why I am feeling anxious right now, and I had too much coffee this morning because I didn't sleep well last night.
Or,
I understand why I am feeling anxious right now, and I am worried that I won't have enough money to pay my bills this month and that is uncertain. I don't like uncertainty.
Taking that time to identify your emotions, identify your triggers and validate your experience will reduce your anxiety.
Take a moment and turn to someone next to you and let's practice this.
Once you've done those 3 essential steps, then you are ready to use a coping skill.
I want to give you a shortlist. Think of these as tools in your tool kit. You'll likely need to practice and play around with what works best for you. Some of these will work great; others not so much. I would recommend picking 3 or 4 and putting those in your toolbox. As time goes by, you'll add and take away tools.
Healthy Coping Skills:
Breathing: discuss the benefit of breathing
Body posturing: discuss and show body posturing
Words of encouragement: discuss the power of words
Flip your thinking script:
Researchers estimate that women speak on average 20,000 words and for men only about 7,000 words. I don’t know about you, my spoken words may be around 20,000 but my inner thoughts, the silent ones that no one (other than God) hears is probably around a million. My mind is always going.
Because of the sheer volume of one’s inner dialogue, you can trust there is significance in the way you think.
Proverbs 23:7 tells us how we think becomes the state of who we are. Another way of saying this is if you think negative things about yourself all day long, your words begin to shape the atmosphere of your heart and the reality of your mind. The perspective of the way you see and interact with the world is influenced by the words you think.
Here are a few examples of the power of your words and how they shape your reality:
Say these statements (out loud or read them silently).
I have to go to work today.
Now, flip your thinking script by making this simple change:
I get to go to work today.
Did you notice a change in how you felt? In the first you are may feel trapped. You may also feel powerless to make choices.
When you use “I have to” statements your personal choice is replaced with a victim mentality.
Make the change to “I get to” and the feeling of powerlessness is quickly replaced with empowerment. You are making a choice. It doesn't always feel like it, but you possess innate power to make healthy choices for your life.
Making a small change like this will begin to not only change your thinking but also your emotional responses and even your physical demeanor. If you feel powerless you are likely to physically cower down or do the opposite and puff yourself up to mask the feelings of powerlessness.
Here’s another one:
What if I get fired from my job?
Now, flip your thinking script by making this simple change:
Today I am working. I am grateful for this and I am going to work hard today.
Did you notice a change in how you felt?
What if statements are all about the future. Those two little words paralyze your present because you are so afraid of your future.
It's amazing what happens when you stop worrying about the future and begin to live in the moment. Does this verse sound familiar? “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34)
As you focus on the here and now, anxiety is more likely to melt away. The fog of confusion lifts, instantly leaving you with more clarity.
Now you try, what are your common negative thought patterns?
These will help get you started:
I’ll never….
I always….
I should/shouldn’t….
Getting in the Word: discuss the power of the bible; there are 366 verses on fear.
Controlling what you can control - letting God do the rest (perfection)
Reach out to a friend.
Healthy sleep hygiene
Reducing screen time
Limit caffeine and alcohol consumption
Taking medication and talking with your doctor
In the meantime:
Be okay that it's not okay
Grow your curiosity
Grow Your confidence in the Lord
Connect